Men, you either want me or you don't, keep it real or keep it moving

I have earned the right to have a voice and a choice. I have earned the right to stop calling you if I'm no longer interested in you. I have earned the right to tell you if you are a jerk and that I will no longer be going out with you. I have earned the right to look at you and decide you are not my type. I am so tired of some men bashing females who are just telling it like it is. I mean when a female shares how she feels about dating and her bad experiences many men get upset and they start to team up in effort to I guess back her against the wall of shame. Whatever! I recently met this guy and he says to me I like you and I want to be with you. He says I can get used to being with you every day, I want to date you can we date? You are so pretty I'm surprised you don't have a man and you are just my type strong, focused, together blah blah blah freaking blah..... So I began to interrogate him, rightfully so.. I mean he said all these things, but can and will he stand behind it?


I asked him all the questions anyone with sense, would ask a man talking all this bull crap..I asked the what, the when, the where, the how and of course the who...Let me tell ya, he couldn't handle it. I could have been the average female, who hears all these fake promises, and allowed my emotional rollercoaster to kick in. I then would have kissed, hunched, and well you know. But I chose not to,see I'm all about keeping it real or keeping it moving. ( he was having a tough time keeping it real.)

The night ended after I was done and his demeanor immediately changed I mean this man went from calling and texting me three and four times a day talking to me to short responses to my questions, no calling, a cocky tone in his voice as if he thought he was the shit.He got mad when I asked him when we were going to start doing something more considering he said I'm the one he wants to date. I mean I just wanted to do things that people who are dating do.He made the comment that he wears the pants and I wear the panties in this relationship (which had yet to happen, what relationship you idiot?) Keep in mind he also said he would paint my house, and do this and that he asked me to go and pick out the paint, he would cut my grass he could tell I need a good man around and he wanted to be that man, he just blabbed on and on. I rejected the paint job but, excepted the grass cutting which by the way, never happened. ( I didn't believe any of it anyway, all though it would have been nice. ) I felt it was a bunch of crap because we had a conversation during his visit and I asked him why some men wound up with certain types of women ( I don't remember the exacts. ) Any way he went on to say most men want to feel needed and they look for clueless women with no vision or plan, who are always crying bout what they need and what a man better do. He says he don't like women like that who are needy, he liked women who can carry themselves and are head strong independent. He said he felt when you meet who you like you should just move forward in the relationship which is what he wanted with me and blah blah blah freaking blah... I don't get it he just stopped calling me as much and he sounded annoyed when we did talk so I stopped calling him as well. Any man tell me what went wrong here, what the crap was his purpose? Why did he make all these promises for no reason?He'd just said he did not like needy women so why was he trying to create one? Just last night after a whole week of not calling me which if we are dating I require, he text me saying HI ! He asked me what I was doing and I just went to sleep and never responded. It is what it is. I'm at the point that if you don't get it right the first time then I'm not gonna keep going back and fourth with a grown behind man in hopes of him blowing my mind finally.I know he is wondering why I have not tried to call especially since he tried again. I feel there should not be all these conditions in dating. The back and forth attitudes, the cocky attitudes, the inconsistency of actions, the lies. You either want me or you don't I,m not hanging around for maybe.Ladies, save yourself for a real man who is ready to be in a relationship with you. Trust me, you will know when he is ready and if he is texting you and nothing else, let him go he's not ready.

Blog By Tinzley Bradford

And You Wanna See My Feet ? You got a foot fetish, man please..

Why Do Some Men Just Have To See Them to Determine if She's the One?

Take this photo for instance, this wide, juicy mess, shows no reason for this man to wanna see any one's feet with a wedgie this deep...Isn't it just Bootyfull??

Okay ladies,fellows I'm sorry I just have to be honest. Why do we as females go all out to be beautiful and sexy? Why do we allow men to just be?And a lot of them just happen to BE a hot mess, a hot mess girls!

I am quite annoyed with having to deem myself worthy of some busted, broke down loser, who looks as if he just escaped from the Fulton County Jail, walking round with that brown paper bag trying to tell me how he wants me to look.

I mean an example is, I was talking to a guy one day, and just to give a clear visual he had a figure that reminded one of something unpleasant,he was financially insecure, and on top of that, he had just been caught in a lie by me as to why he was not able to , as he put it "Get wit me the week before."Now I'm not saying I don't date em big, cause I do, but he had the nerve with all that NOT going on for himself, to ask to see my feet. He had the nerve to say and I quote, " You got pretty feet"? He then went on to ask about my legs and whether or not they were pretty.Now what is this brotha's problem,is this a date or is this an America's next top model audition. I mean it's okay to have a lil foot fetish and all but what exactly are YOU bringing to the table? ( besides a plate of neck bones, cornbread, and collard greens!)

I'm like okay, you have got to be kidding me right? You sitting there looking like humpty dumpty couldn't even get on the dog on wall,AND YOU WANNA SEE MY FEET ? Does he realize that he is not necessarily considered" Model Material", and he needs to be happy that any female is even there because I know a few places I could have been .

I have to wonder, if the tables were turned and I was sitting there looking like him ( not cute), would he have even given me the time a day? Probably not, but he felt my feet and legs needed to be extra fly?And this really raises my eyebrows, why did he think he could be jacked up, but I had to be on point? WHY ladies WHYyyy ???

And just how many of you ladies have been analyzed from head to toe by some wanna be ladies man looking to score a ten, when he is barely making the five spot himself,OKAY! You know I had this one guy say to me, he only dates women with pretty toes and a sexy midriff. I got to looking at him, I mean really looking at him and noticed he had a chipped tooth with a cavity on it( I am not joking there was a cavity on it, his ear lobe was split which meant he once had an earring but now the ear lobe is split, and his booty was so high and big you could use it for a throw pillow. AND HE WANNA SEE MY FEET?

I looked at him and said, a sexy midriff? What is your midriff looking like these days? And a midriff should be the last thing on your mind, you need to be glad to have someone in you presence at all at this point.Talking bout a sexy midriff, brotha please!

It is time for females to demand a sexy, fine educated man, who takes care of himself the way he often demands that we do. Now I'm not saying don't give the brothers who aren't that cute or good looking a chance as long as they aren't cocky and they know how to appreciate a female( pretty feet or not). But what I am saying is when you get this jerk who is sizing you up, ask him to let you see that belly, and them toe jams, ask him to let you see them nappy chest hairs with lint balls in em.( That's right , I said lint balls!)

These are the things we females overlook in a man as long as he is a good man,but believe me the favor WON'T be returned, and if you want a date ladies you just might need a photo of your feet. Cause brother is looking, with his crusty knee caps, pants hanging below his buttocks leaving bootie juice everywhere, riding on a bicycle two sizes too small. AND HE WANNA SEE MY FEET? huh! Try pulling up your pants, and give your lil cousin his bike back please!


Men have gone wild and we have GOT to raise the bar. Ladies, if a man just keeps asking you can he see varius body parts, ask him to put on a pair of speedoe's and model for you. Then see his response, if you like it good if not, he needs to never ask to see your toes again.
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Blog By Tinzley

Why are you calling me? ...And back away from the email..

Can I ask why some men act interested and set up a date that never happens, then you don't hear from them for about a week, not to mention you never received a clear explanation as to why they didn't make it happen in the first place. Why is he trying to call me after an entire week has gone by and why the ridiculous email about how he wants to be with me? Look, you had your chance but it's too late I may have met someone else who I'm interested in. Why is he getting mad? He had the first shot, but he blew it. Next time be a man and say you just can't make it this time, but maybe another time. Don't just no show and expect a woman to just be okay with it. Be honest and just maybe you might get a woman and a good one...

Blog by Tinzley

If He Only Texts occasionally, should you continue to wait til he ' get's himself together?'

The answer in my opinion is, NO! No one should have to wait for someone to get themselves together, especially if he already said he's interested, he wants to be with you, he enjoys your company, blah blah blah freaking blah!

I speak from experience, and I'm beginning to see the light really clear. This guy in particular, has already pretty much given me all the answers I'm looking for. He likes me so he told me that, he wants to keep me around so he plays the occasional texting game, he would like things to get serious, so he never calls much, he really means this so we never go anywhere, we never have plans to do things together, yet I'm to think " I'm the one he wants?"

I remember him telling me one day, I'd be great if I wasn't so uncomfortable with giving up my pleasure palace.( and yes he was serious. ) Then once he saw that I was not going to just indulge in the act with a man I'm uncertain of, he began no contact,only texting and said " I need to give him time to get his self together." My question is, if we were getting it on would he still need time to get his self together? Does sex define everything a relationship truly stands for to some men?

In my opinion, when you truly like someone, you don't need time to simply show them that. You and she have discussed that you may not be where you want to be financially,but you are working on it.( she's probably working on it too.) This is fine,but you still have to call and stay in touch if you really want to be taken seriously.Believe it or not, all women aren't out looking for a pay master, we just want love and we want it to be genuine.

Tinzley

Chris brown Says He is Sorry, Do We Forgive Him???

I have heard it and seen it all. Some say Chris Brown is a loser, Gayle King has refused to forgive him, some want to whoop his--, while others just sit around talking smack about him. It's a fact what he did was oh so wrong,but instead of us as a nation being so ready to pull his albums off the shelf, pave his way to failure, and call him names, we should look deeper into the issue here.

The concern should be why and how a child, (which is what he pretty much is being that he is 19) has been led to this type of violence? This type of violence is learned and where did he get this from should be the question? Do you realize he may not have even known he had this in him and unless we were present in that room, on that very night, with him and Rihanna, we will never truly know what happened. I must ask with all the ranting and raving about what you want to do to him, what you hope happens to him, he is this and he is tha, what would you do if he was your son or brother? I know personally I have a teenager who is just 3 years younger than him, she is 16 and God only knows that if she were to suddenly go and beat someone this violently, I would be surprised, shocked, worried, and questioning why.

What I would not do however is just turn my back on her when she needs someone most,( which is what so called fans are doing to Chris Brown, just write him off the face of this earth, just leave him alone and afraid of whom he has become. Is that what anyone else would do? This is a young kid 19 years old treating the love of his life as if she were a stray animal on the side of the rode. But the question is still why? The recent cases where young teens have gone into public schools and killed perfectly innocent people is still and act of violence that I'm certain, none of their family and friends ever imagined would happen. What about the ones who kill theie parents? Many of them are teens whether it's 17, 18, or 19 they still know better. But yet we make excuses for them, we talk about how they were picked on, or treated like an outcast in school, or maybe they just didn't fit in, anyway you look at it, it's still the same thing; an act of violence, from a young teen that no one every saw coming.

What makes Chris brown so different? How do you think he must feel? The reports say he fled the seen as Rihanna began to zone out. Could this mean that he realized what he was doing? He noticed he wasn't himself? He snapped? And what about her, how do you think she feels knowing that someone she loved and felt she could trust has done this to her? It was even tough for her to go to police at first, because naturally she probably wanted to protect him.

We must not be so fast to assume anything, especially on the outside looking in. We must place ourselves in this situation and ask, what if if were my loved one who'd done this? This kid has come forward and said he needs counseling, he has said he is sorry, he is at least trying to make it better. None of us no how Rihanna is feeling, we are just blasting the love of her life all on the TV, the internet, the radio, creating websites with fake content to only make matters worse. At the end of the day none of us have to live with this, but Chris Brown and Rihanna sure do. What if it were you?
You must try to extend to others the respect, patience, and courtesy that you would want for yourself or your loved ones.


Tinzley Bradford A.K.A. Jv

T.B.

Where is The Love ??? Everyday?

There is a play coming out called," Love Overboard." starring R&B singers Avant and KeKe Wyatt. This play is supposed to re-open the eyes of the many who have been in failed relationships and who have given up on love. One of the characters made a comment on a local radio station here in GA. that said," People Just Don't Know What They Want Anymore." I disagree with this comment, because I'm sure we all know what we want, but finding it is the problem. If you are in love with someone and you are compromising through out the relationship then there is really no true love because it is a strong possibility that once the compromise stops, then so does the relationship. There are many people who have been scarred and they don't know they have been mentally destroyed from so many 'bad' experiences, until they have just given up. Many people have an emotionally damaged past that they are not aware of, yet they still try to be in relationships thinking this is the key. This is not the key, if you are not healthy and you have a lot of things going on in your life, or things that have gone on in your life causing you to constantly be down, sad, mad, or insecure; more than likely bringing that into a relationship can only make it worse. It's okay to seek therapy; you are not crazy for needing a professional who practices human behavior for a living. (Gossiping with your girlfriends or homeboys about your lover isn't always good therapy.)

People have forgotten about true love, the kind of love where one doesn't have to be in love with another, they just love unconditionally anyone they encounter. Many people are withdrawn and distant and very unfriendly. The way you act on a daily basis can play a vital role in the amount of joy and love you have. If you don't allow joy and love in, then there will be no joy and love to come out. A perfect example is, I went to the car wash the other day and it was crowded, naturally because it's a beautiful day and everyone wanted to wash their car. Tomorrow is Valentines Day and people are feeling good and getting ready for "love." It's interesting because I looked around and people were just washing their cars and not being social at all. No one wanted to make eye contact to at least say hello, I was right next to one person who I attempted to speak to, but they did all they could to avoid just saying a kind hello to me. How are you ready for love if you are too busy with yourself to allow something new and different to join you?

Below is an example of sparking a general conversation to a stranger.

Hello, how are you? (Say it with a bright, friendly smile.) Oh I’m feeling good and you? It's a beautiful day isn't it?( Or if it’s raining you can say something else.) Oh yeah it is I can't wait for what's in store! I know well you have a good day now. Okay I will, you too. Oh by the way, my name is Tinzley and what’s yours? My name is Todd, okay nice to meet you; same to you Tinzley. You seem so fun and friendly which is rare, are you seeing anyone?

And the rest is history, this example of a conversation shows the polite manner in which a possible date or at least a friendship can began. I always act this way when I go in public and I meet lots of people. While everyone may not always turn out to be long, lasting love, you will feel good that you invited it in, and at the least gained a friendship.

That is a nice simple conversation that can put a smile on anyone’s face, so much more personable than if I just said 'hey' and the other person said a dry 'hey.' Where is the love?

I am always smiling and inviting people in, I love to engage in conversations even with strangers. There doesn't always have to be any strings attached for just talking to someone. You will be surprised, instead of being so self involved, you might find true love by just opening up and allowing yourself to be loved. I love walking in a room full of dry, bitter people who look like they are mad at the world and just say ' hello. ' I love being in line at a grocery store and the person checking out looks back at my smiling face and my bright personality and sees me saying hello. They often smile immediately and say it back, sometimes we spark up a conversation. This is beautiful to me, and this is what I mean. I feel great doing this and i feel great just being a kind loving person.

I can't tell you enough how opening up and just allowing can impact your life. You will feel much better each day if when you wake up, you look in the mirror, smile big and bright and say hello to yourself and say it's going to be a great day. Then take that same feeling out of the door with you. There is nothing like it, you will notice the difference immediately. I asked where the love is. Well the love is laying inside you all you have to do is let it out and it will always come back to you, maybe sooner than you think.

Tinzley Bradford

Things to do and not do if you know you messed up, but you want her back.

I am almost amazed at what has recently happened in my life with a guy who says he is very much " into me." Well to start it all off, he had a chance over 13 years ago and he blew it. He came in my life in the early 90's, and lets say he sort of disappeared up until about 1 month ago.

He claims he wants another shot at dating me, but his actions are a huge turn off for me he is doing nothing I mean nothing to gain my interest. He barely calls and he texts me with lame stuff of no relevance and he seems to expect me to, get this, " come to him ?" I refuse, I'm not the one running to him, he should be trying to come to me if he is serious. I decided to put together a few things a man must do, (that's if he truly wants you back).

1.Show your interest through actions.

Okay, why are you claiming to be interested and want another shot at dating her, but you have only gone on one date? (Not to mention she had to meet you there).Don't make her come to you already unless she wants to. Shivery, Shivery, Shivery ! You have to re-set the stage and go the extra mile to show her you are serious. I mean this is like a real first date again you are still in impression mode, so be old school and at least offer to come and get her.It's impressive when a woman feels you are willing to pick her up, take her out, treat her special, and take her back home(and do it more than once). She is more likely to immediately start to re-develope a liking to you, if she sees that you are a gentlemen.

2.Be consistant not distant

What are you doing to not only gain, but keep her interest? Texting every now and then, calling every now and then, and always sounding as if you are too busy or tired to make plans with her is a turn off. You messed up! Hello! It is not her issue it is yours, didn't you say you wanted her? Okay so you need to call more and talk about things,get to know her again and allow her to get to know you as well. There may be times that the chemistry is just no longer there, but the chances are if she was willing to go out with you after you did her wrong, then there must be at least a little interest still there. You have to make it grow and show her you really are interested. If you don't stay in touch, and only text she will think you haven't changed or you just aren't as interested as you said you were.She will then move on.

3. If you aren't ready for a relationship, then don't waste her time.

Okay you went out with her, you said you were interested in her, you even let your dad meet her. But yet you only have excuse after excuse after excuse as to why you have not spent more time with her. Either you are working long hours, or you have to get your kid settled, or you are too tired when you get home, or you have a lot on your mind like debt and other things. These are just excuses that you should have considered before you re-approached her.Not only is it a turn off, but you knew all of these issues were there in your life to begin with, yet you told her you wanted her back in your life. Well I suggest you figure out a way to make it work or don't approach her or anyone until you are ready. The chances are you just aren't at a point to date anyone, you have a lot of personal issues to iron out and no knew love interest should be pulled in to your life of drama. Don't waste her time if you can't deliver, that's the bottom line.

4. Be polite and patient with her.

There may be many things already going on in her life that may not make it as easy to just hurry up and get back into you. I mean she may really want to give you a chance, but she has a hectic schedule as well and you are suddenly back trying to get in her life. The key is the effort you put forward and the patience you show. Women can see your efforts and we know when it's us who are not coming through on our end. You should try to show her you understand and at times be willing to suggest things you may be able to do to help her with what may be going on.( Something you won't later regret of coarse ). Women like to see a man who cares about what she is doing especially after he screwed up in the first place, the last thing she needs is your anger and frustrations because she's not getting with you quick enough.Give her time to take everything in, and be a friend first to see how things are, create a bond that the both of you value. She may see you as the apple of her eye after a while, women love polite, caring men, who are patient.

5. Don't be mad if she decides to date other people.

You have just come back in her life, and while she may still like you she may already be in the dating scene. Just take a number and wait til your are called. What this means is, she is not nor should she be expected to just drop everything because a failed relationship has resurfaced in her life. No, you should just try to do your best to stand out in the crowd. If you still want her, there must be plenty of guys who want her as well and you should respect that. The key is what do you bring to the table that makes you a better choice for her than the rest? Do get mad, just up your effort and maybe you will win the prize.

6. Weed breath can be a huge turn off.

Okay, you wanted to get high with the guys, but did you have to do it right before you came to see her? If your clothes and breath reap of weed, please don't schedule a date. Besides, most women want to see the 'real' you, not someone high on a substance. How can you really expect to get far with a mind clouded and full of smoke and not reasonable thinking?

I can honestly say if this guy had come back in my life and did everything he could to show me he wants me, then we would probably be together right now. Since he has not, then we are not and life goes on. Fellows, it's not as hard as you may think it is to get her back, but keep in mind you did mess up and she may be the type who just doesn't feel good moving backwards. If she does show interest however, then you'd better get in while you can because she is still single and you aren't the only choice.

Tinzley Bradford